Life's Loops

I feel like I'm losing my will to write anymore. Too much mental block...To dream of being a journalist, i need to write more and more and stop non sense of writing about my pitiful love story or my boring life. I need to write more on other things like entertainment, news, politics and stuff like that. It seem simple when i say it but its hard to write when things are just running through my mind right now. Brain is that simple to understand but the heart is what makes the brain lose its way.

The brain is a way we think of our way out in every situation we got ourselves into but the heart is what make us think what is right or what is wrong in each situation. It's basically what goes around comes around. It's simple..example...if we see a pregnant lady got into the same bus as us and there are no seats left, its better if we stand up and give way to them. The benefit we get is yet to come later in the day. Might not be in the shape of money or kindness from others, it might just be something new that we learn that day.

Life has its way to get out off every situation and nothing is impossible if we put our mind to it. Every loops and bumps along the way is just another small step to success. It might just be easy if we give up and forget it but at the end it will be settle but we gain nothing of it. All living things learn from mistake but the difference is that how long does it take for one person to realize it was a mistake. Some took longer than others and it's just wrong to compare your fate to others because everyone bring up their own life by themselves and how everything turn up to be is all because what we did in the past. All that is possible to do is to think about the future and work our way up the ladder of life to reach to success and satisfaction.

When we think about it, everything in life start with a first step. We are able to walk because we push ourselves and try to walk, we learn how to eat because we force ourselves to eat and we love another person because we push ourselves to love them. It does come naturally for everyone, its just how we receive it that makes it different.

The beginning of adultries...

I remember those days quite well. The day when the bird singing in the morning and the moon shine so bright at night. Those college days where life mostly evolve more around friends than family. I remembered it too well actually. Its just to bad that i need to forget most of those university years that i had. Its just time to move on and being an adult. Just make everything fades away so that life can be like it used to be when i was a kid.

Life could not have been better when i was young as there is nothing to think about and everything can be settle by my parents and siblings. The time has come for me to decide by myself how to make my life worth living.Its time to think what job can help me survive my daily payments, its time to think when can i start my own family and its time for me to be independent.

Specifically speaking, i need to start a new life. Begin a new era in my life where depending on others is not an option. Now i started to see the world by myself and starting to think like an adult, thinking about things i never have thought before and i am glad that i went through my life a little faster than others. Well, it just make it easier for my future life that i got to experience things at quite a young age. Thank you god..thank you family...thank you to all...:)

Things I Remember...

1. Having a long walk with you at the lake...
2.Waited for you under your blok everytime we go out...
3. Bringing an umbrella to you when you need it...
4. Having you comfort me and take me to the hospital when im sick...
5. Waited for you for 2 hours to have 'sahur' with you and you never woke up...
6. Hearing you sing everytime we go out...
7. Watching you eat with your mouth full...
8. Making you smile when you frown...
9.Helping you out when no one give you their hands...
10. Smiling at you even when it hurts...
11. Looking at you preparing me food...
12. Watching you laugh at my stupid jokes...
13. Being there for you to comfort you when you cry...
14. Accompany you when you're alone...
15. Buying you food when you haven't eaten yet...
16. Carrying you behind my back...
17. Looking at your eyes when you looked at mine...
18. Watch ur clumsiness while walking...
19.Remembering thing you won't remember...
20. Those time you cried for me...
21. Lastly...hearing you say 'i love you' for the last time...

You might not remember those memories when you are with me but i knew that i wouldn't even forget. You complete my life like you always do...i lose you already...and those mistakes i did...i'll regret it for the rest of my life....even if its gone past for years....

Years to come...

From days to night...remembering one thing and only one. Sorrow, pain and suffering that only one who's involve can feel and know. Every minute of every hour of trying to forget and trying to just leave the past behind. Its as if the feeling is never ending and the pain will continue on living inside the heart and the mind behind all the sweet memories that used to bring joy and happiness in life. One could understand that people in life are only there temperory and sooner or later everything will just dissapear like those who have passed away. People through out the history have felted those feelings of pain when been left inside the world of imagination and not knowing of where about the future takes us.

The one important person in my life have been there for me day and night for almost 3 years. Comforting me when in need and help me get through my life inside my teenage years of evolving to become a man of yet, a descend guy. It was happiness all the way and nothing other than moments yet to be remembered. Yet as time pass, the word of others got through to discourage her of loving the one person that she use to love more than anybody. Words of people to make her fades out and distrust me of mostly anything. She suddenly sees me as the kid that haven't yet fully turned out to become who she wants me to be.

Suddenly everything changes in life, in a glimpse of an eye...her love becomes a pain that she try to run away from and happiness becomes a reality that i couldn't undertake. Living without her ever since has become a heartache that no doctor can cure. She makes it as just another past yet to be forgotten easily. Realizing the fact that i am not good enough for her and i don't have things that she needs to be happy anymore.

Not remembering the good times we had...not remembering the memories that should not be forgotten...not remembering of what plans we had made for ourselves...and i will fade in her heart as years to come...

DMC..F...

There is this group of people that i heard about from this girl. She told me that how wonderful and colorful this group of people are and how they always makes her laugh. I finally get to meet them when i came to their class and become apart of them. I wasn't that good of showing myself to them like how i showed myself to this one girl and it now seems i never have the chance.

I did not manage to shine in front of them and yet some of them stayed behind my back to support. I was empty when i entered and until now i am still the same guy i was.

They laugh, they smile, they cried...they mostly do everything from a to z together and they are DMC_F. Interesting enough, they entertain me not being with me but how i listened to their tales and stories.

The Blues...Chelsea FC

Everyone have their own favorite football team or as the english call it, soccer team. Its interesting how football have bring the world into one and people watch as their nation fight to become no.1. As everyone knows, the top teams that are well known in football are Barcelona, Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Juventus, and so on...I'm not a huge fan of football but i got my own team to be proud and talk about and they are known as The Blues.
Yes, you know it...Chelsea FC is my most favorite team out of all as i admire their style of playing football and interesting strategy. For me, i have no disliking other football team but hey! its natural for one team to have its rival and for you to support one team, you must dislike another team which mine would be Manchester United. Okay..the reason why i am a fan of the blues is because i think this team i complete. They have the best defender, R.Carvalho and John Terry...they have a superd midfielder, Frank Lampard, Deco and Ballack...and also they have an excellent striker which is Didier Drogba and Anelka. Other than that, the have the 2nd best goalkeeper in the world which is Peter Cech. How more perfect could it be. Their strategy of playing is very controlling and they have fast player like Joe Cole to bring the ball around.
Strategy wise, Lampard is the man for it. He knows where to go at what time is he needed. Drogba is a bit lazy to chase the ball but Anelka always get his back for that...Subs player?? They have Kalou, Ivanovic, and Pizarro for backup. I think i make myself clear of why i like the team. So...i have no comment if you dislike it but hey! its my team alright...deal with it!!

Level Phoenix Tuah

A place where i study, i laugh, i enjoyed my life for the past 3 years. Memories that are so hard to erase and family that i will never find again. Level 3 wing 1 is my secondary home where i found a new family. They are all from different backgrounds and different attitudes but somehow or rather we lived harmoniously as a family. It has change a lot since i first entered this level and people comes and go every semester. Its hard to let those seniors of mine go but its fun seeing new faces trying to built their lives here from scratch.

Phoenix is the name given by the super duper senior of this level which i don't know myself who but this level is different than others. I have live my life one semester at Jebat, Lekir, and Lekiu and its so different as this level of mine here...they live 24/7. Its never empty and never silence. I'm finally graduating and finally moving away from this family of mine and never turn back.

Its normal to feel sad to leave a family behind and leaving this secondary home of mine would be hard. Memories are made here, i found out the true meaning of friendship here and also i know the meaning of respecting seniors and being a bully to the juniors. Even though there is junior and seniors here, none of it matters. As i said earlier, we are family and there are no different in age, seniority, or even backgrounds. We help each other when we can and we enjoy living here. To be a part of this level and to become one of them is a huge honor.

In few days time, i will be living my family behind and its sad as i thought it would be as i never knew when will i be able to see them again but life continues and maybe someday I'll come back for a laugh. Thank you family, thank you friends, thank you level Phoenix Tuah...

Hachiko

A tale of loyalty, a true love story about a dog and it's master. Hachiko. A name of a dog who have shown people the true meaning of loyalty. Hachi was found by his master at a train station where his master take him in and took care of him. Everyday after that, Hachiko would walk with his master to the train station in purpose of accompanying him. The dog then come back to the train station and wait for his master to come back home. Tragic happens and Hachiko's master didn't come back home and until that day for nine years, Hachiko would sit at the same spot at the train station and wait for his master to come back.
Hachiko tale is an inspiration to everyone and how loyal he was to his master. He became a phenomenon in Japan and movies, books, and every media is reaching their hands to get the story of this loyal dog. It is amazing how a pet can be such a good friend and love its master as much as Hachiko does and his tale will surely live for hundred years to come. The American adaptation of the Hachiko story have brought the American society and also the world to hear the tale of this wonderful and heartwarming dog. A must see movie i might say as it touch the audience's heart as how well played the actors are and also how the dog play its role as the legendary Hachiko itself.

Enough...

I've tried my best and i have gone all out for everything that i going on in my life. I'm not saying that i have given up but I'm too tired to handle all at once. I myself is not mentally healthy. I'm sorry mama, i couldn't finish my job...my diploma...its not that i don't want to is just that things happen in my life between those times that makes it all so freaking hard. I'm not as healthy as i was. I couldn't cope it all. The stress, people...its killing me softly.

I felt like i want to cry to think my life is actually this hard. I knew that when i told others about my life, they would say they too have gone through tough times. Its not the same. If only i could put most of you in my situation. Yes...others have issues too and they can cope but those issues don't come all at once and if they do...what would they feel? i don't think one can cope after everything drop down on their heads.

Tears all dried up and i feel tired nearly every minute of my life. Feel like sleeping for good. Life isn't great for me to remember but those few people and those few moments in life is what i hold on to and what i cherish so damn much. I need to live because of my family, i need to live to reverse my mistakes, i need to live to take care of someone and i need to live to actually appreciate life.

_S.I.C.K_B.O.Y_

I've been sick for the last months. I kept on coughing and its a dry cough. I have back pain that hurts like hell!! I lost 7kg in the last 2 weeks. I have a non stop runny nose. I have headache sometimes. I get tired so easily. I have problems eating and sleeping at night. My body temperature is always ups and downs, sometimes i feel cold and other times i feel so freaking hot. I sometimes have chest pain and its hard to breath as well. I sweat for no reason sometimes and i have no fever what so ever when i go to the doctors.

What kind of sickness do i have?? is it serious?? is it not?? is it a lack of vitamins? what is it!!! It freaking hurt to live my life feeling sick every single day and waking up thinking that am i still alive...I've got no clue of what medical problems i have but if someone reading this can help...pls do...cause i feel like dying every minute i'm breathing. Its hard for me to do work or even have fun or to do chores and help around. I feel so damn weak and i get tired easily that i can fall back asleep after waking up for an hour or so..huhu

Still need my baby...

Why am i still waiting,

Waiting for someone to come for me,

To hold me like she did,

To care for me like she did,

To laugh with me like she did...

Why don't i understand,

She doesn't want me around anymore,

She doesn't need me anymore,

She don't like me no more...

To wait for someone who not going to turn back,

To hold on to someone who don't need to be hold on,

To shred a tears for someone who is totally doesn't care,

To wait for the memories to comeback to life...

An end is near,

The end is around the corner...

I'm not the same as i was...

I might not be the same again...

To think that she loves me,

To think that she hates me forever,

To think of her still,

To think of what to do with my life...

Expect the unexpected...

Sometimes in life we plan our life ahead and we aim to be where we want to in the future. We only could plan things cause things can happen between those times. Expecting the unexpected...

Examples would be when we plan to work at this place and that place and how life continue to be great afterwards but we need to consider the "what if.." possibility. Not saying that you're not capable to get the job or anything, just saying what happen next if you didn't get the job.

Another great examples would be in love. Everyone keep on saying to their partners i will love you forever or even at weddings people say "till death do us aparts". We meant it at the time but as time flies, we never knew things might go wrong somewhere not even we had imagine it would.

Life could not be perfect and plans will always be plans. Thats why there is always plan B if plan A doesn't work. In life, we should just follow the flow and see what comes up. It's not that we can't plan..we can...but consider the unexpected so that when it occurs, we wouldn't feel like we're getting hit by a huge rock at our head.

Moral of the story: Live:Love:Learn...

Family in need...

One problem after another...hurmm i know life isn't suppose to be perfect but does it need to be this hard?? problem keep on coming without stop?? I've seen others family and i know that most normal family wouldn't have so much problem like my family does...i wonder why...everyone is in need of someone to talk to...and yeah..its me...

Talk and talk and talk...its like gossiping but instead of talking shits about others, we complain things. Every mistake made by us in the past is all can be a learning experience and for my life...yeah...it would drive me insane before i got to learn every mistake in my life. I know others have problems in life too but every people have their own way of getting rid of the problems and so do i. Life would not be in more pain with family breaking apart, friends backstabbing, love life crushed, and religion wise?? my fault for not praying and everything. Everything is a problem for me. I guess i just need to be strong and change for the sake of my family...

Graduating...

Last day of the week...class is over!!! haha!!! hurmm lots to thing about afterwards..what to do next, whats goin to happen after this...how my result going to be...hurmm think think think...Nothing else there to wait here in Malacca. My time here its over and it should end with me being peacefully happy again and start a new chapter in life...No matter what i do, memories will always be there...so...just keep them as memories..don't need to keep hopes up any longer, don't need to wait anymore, don't need to think when will that next time be...its all end and over for me. half of my body say that i'm glad that everything over but another half just wish i could stay longer...only god knows where everything leads to..so we just wait and see till the end part of my life story...aite???

One Heart, One Soul, One Gurl...

Its gonna end
I knew it would
Its over
Maybe it should

One Heart
Its mine for sure
One Soul
Running away from here
One Gurl
No one but her...

Miss her i would
Love her..only if i could
Thinking bout her
Thats all i can do

If only she knew
If only my heart can talk
If only she knew
My soul cry in tears
If only she knew...

Wondering...

Days in counting till every tears and sorrow ends. Days in counting till i left everything behind me. Days in counting till i move on from her for good. Lots of things i think about when graduating. I am glad that its all over, i am happy that no more hearing about things that people talk behind your back, i felt down when i think about leaving that one person for good.

After 2 years of following behind her and having her around, finally everything just go away for good. The next time i see her?? don't know when. I'm regret lots of things i did that makes my life like this. I knew that things happen to me is all because of what i did cause nothing happen without a reason.

She said to me... "You'll always have a place in here"...she actually said that after what she said to me for the past few months. Every time she says anything to get me away from her...i just bare the pain. Never i kept revenge on her or what she did. I thought giving her time to think would make us okay but instead...she took it as it was totally over. she moved on so damn fast. did she ever think about all the things i tried to make her happy and fall in love with me every single day. I knew myself that if i didn't approach her, she wouldn't even notice i exist. I knew...but did she ever realizes that i try almost every single day to make her fall in love with me again and again...she never noticed.

Days to go and she still try to avoid...after what she said..she still avoid me...then the end of my chapter in life of her might just end here...As soon as she goes back...i will go...and this time...i go for good...I tried and took care of her...but i guess it was not enough for her. Well...after 6 months without her...i am still in love with her..and i hope it doesn't take another 6 more months or even more...cause i will hell suffer...

wondering why her...wondering why i can't forget her...wondering why its all over...wonder wonder wonder...

For: S.S....

One day i'll change,

I promise i swear,

Never be the same again,

Please dear be there...

-

One day i'll go,

I'll leave my past behind,

I dry my tears,

For goods of you and i...

-

I'll ask you for nothing,

But love and care,

That's all i need,

No lie i swear...

-

To make you happy,

To make you shine,

To hold you closely,

Whenever you cry...

-

So dear remember me,

Till years to come,

I won't be here,

But i'll never leave you behind...

Memoir of ***

A dance under the midnight sky,
A kiss under the rain,
Things that I remember,
Things that brings back pain...

Walking at the beach,
Wishing goodnight sleep,
Shredding pain into tears,
Making hearts break apart...

Memories of yesterday,
Hunting me today,
Killing me everyday,
When I go here and there...

Love of my life,
Hear my cry,
I wish to be with you,
Till the day I die...

I'm sorry for my mistakes,
I'm sorry its all my faults,
Don't look at me the wrong way,
I'm still the same men you used to love...

Growing uPPP...

Growing up is hard enough for anyone to take as there is always pain and sorrow in between every happiness. My life has started new and there is no time for me to turn back to my past. Letting things go is the best thing that I could do right now to get my life back on track. It is impossible to think about two things at once when you are just a kid who just started learning how to be independent. Time goes by fast as I thought that it was just yesterday when I was still sleeping in my bed in Australia, waiting for my mum to wake me up for school. I learn more than just about mass communication in university, I learn more about people and how things work in this world without our parents around. I learn how to survive without money, how to study smart and not hard, and I learn how to love what I am doing and not putting judgement to everything I do. Sometime we need to just put our heads up and believe in our self. Life sometime plot you in a situation where it's nearly impossible to get out off and because of this, we need to always stay mentally and physically prepared for anything that can happen in life. Never ever think that there are things that would happen in your life as anything can happen at anytime and anywhere you are. Since we were just a baby, we learn new things everyday from knowing how to walk to learning about sex. We learn a lot of things and sometimes we knew that a few things are illegal to do or even not allowed to do but instead, some people do it just because of we want to or even just wanted to try. Every mistake that we do in this life we shouldn’t regret because it teaches us how to do the right thing everytime we make a mistake. There are no such thing as easy to learn because everything that we learn, it takes time to perfect it. How we eat and how we walk, it’s all take time to learn. Growing up is hard but there is nothing in this world that can stop a person from growing up and it is good to know that our life may just get even better and better every day. So, enjoy life while you still can and do what you want to do but also know your limits in life of what you can and cannot do. Life is more fun that it seems but as I always say, in happiness there will always be sorrow and pain and to get through it, you just need to get well prepared for anything at anytime. Learn it, Live it, Love it.

Uni...

University,
A place to study,
A place to start new,
A place where you learn new things,
A place your life starts.

University,
One small step to the real world,
One giant step to success,
One place to find friends,
One place to start thinking about the future.

University,
Where you start being independent,
Where you grow to being an adult,
Where failure is not just another mistake,
And success is important.

University,
Friends comes and goes,
Love where is possible to love,
Learn what you want to learn,
Think what there is to think about.

Quotes taken in Songs

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

WITHOUT YOU...

Without you in my life,
I'm like a tree in a middle of a desert,
Alone without anything around me,
Dying without water around me.

Without you in my life,
I'm like a fallen star,
I don't belong here wherever i am,
I'm far away from my comfort zone.

Without you in my life,
I'm like the sun up above,
Waiting for myself to die slowly,
Hoping for nothing in life.

Without you in my life,
I'm like a stone,
Cant move to where i want to,
Just waiting for someone to pick me up and throw me away.

Without you in my life,
I'm like a house with no owner,
Everything inside me become dull and crush,
Waiting for the right time for me to shine again.

Without you in my life,
I'm nothing in this world,
I cry in silence,
I laugh without a sound.

Without you in my life,
I'm like a lyrics with no music,
I'm just a piece of writing no one cares about,
Waiting for the music to be made.

Dugaan hidup..

Hidup ini adalah buat sementara...
Dan aku...
Aku telah membuang setengah daripada kehidupan ku...
Aku telah membuat sesuatu yang keji dan jijik...
Aku telah membuat banyak dosa dari pahala dan aku sedar...
Aku baru sedar atas kesilapanku...

Seorang gadis...
Dia membuat aku gembira,
Dia juga membuat hati ku penuh dengan kesedihan..
Dia juga telah membuat aku insaf dengan perbuatan aku sendiri...
Dan dia juga yang telah membangunkan aku...

Sembahyang...Berzikir...
Tidak susah untuk dibuat...
tetapi kenapa...kenapa kita melupakannya...
Hidup ini boleh menjadi mewah dengan harta...dengan kekayaan..
tetapi...
hidup tanpa kasih sayang dan iman tidak bermakna...

Kenapa sekarang aku baru sedar...
Kenapa ia mengambil aku selama 10 tahun untuk sedar atas semua kesilapan ku...
Aku telah membuang hidupku...

Sekarang...
Hidupku penuh dengan dugaan hidup...
Dan baru aku sedar atas kesusahan ini..
Hidup ini bukan sekadar untuk aku pikir untuk diriku sendiri...
Hidup ini untuk membuat orang yang kita sayang itu bahagia,
hidup ini juga untuk melaksanakan kehendak allah...

Kehidupanku...

Hidup ku begitu indah bila aku bersamanya,
Aku senyum…aku gembira seolah-olahnya hidupku tidak bermasalah,
Aku gelak-ketawa…aku ceria bila dia berada disisiku,
Aku bersyukur…aku berterima kasih kerana dapat mengenalinya.

Kehidupan kami amat gembira…tetapi tidak lama,
Tidak lama untuk masalah timbul kedalam hubungan kami,
Kekasih lama…kawan…mereka menambah kekecohan,
Hidupku penuh dengan tangisan air mata di pipiku.

Dia berubah setelah lama kami tidak berjumpa sesama sendiri,
Dia seolah-olah tidak mengenali diriku lagi,
Hidupku berubah…hidupku penuh dengan tanda tanya,
Soalan…soalan yang tidak ku mengerti.

Kesedihan timbul diwajahnya bila dia memandangku,
Kesedihan yang tak pernah ku lihat,
Kesedihan membawa makna yang amat sukar untuk ku fahami,
Kesedihan penuh dengan jawapan yang kucarikan.

Tidak lama…tidak lama untuk dia memberi jawapan yang ku pinta,
Dia menjawab semua soalan-soalanku dengan penuh keberanian,
Aku tidak faham dengan apa yang aku dengar,
Aku terdesak…aku sayu…aku sedih…

Dengan tabah aku menerima hakikat ini,
Aku cuba untuk memahami keadaan,
Titisan air mata menunggu masa untuk mengalir,
Kepercayaanku kepadanya menjadi tipis..

Perasaanku membawa seribu makna,
Aku menangis…aku sedih bila teringat kepadanya,
Semua menjadi sukar...kehidupanku tiada arah tuju,
Kepercayaanku hilang…hilang didalam perasaanku.



Aku tidak fahami keputusannya,
Air mataku mengalir seperti kehidupanku telah berakhir,
Hatiku seolah-olah berhenti…mendiamkan diri,
Kemarahan tidak muncul dipikiranku.

Hari kehari aku mencuba melupakannya,
Soalan mula muncul di pikiranku semula,
Adakah dia teman hidupku…atau sebaliknya,
Soalan yang aku pupuskan dalam pikiranku.

Cintaku terhadapnya begitu mendalam,
Apa saja yang dia lakukan untuk melukakan hatiku…
Aku sanggup memaafkannya dan melupakan apa yang berlaku,
Dialah teman hidup yang aku mahu.

Tanpanya didalam hidupku lebih sukar,
Tanpanya hidupku kosong,
Aku rela membuat apa saja untuk membuat dia bahagia,
Aku menyayanginya dulu…sekarang…dan selamanya.

Learning Life in the word L.O.V.E

Memory will stay as memory and I hope not to repeat it again in my life twice. To let her go is like putting a knife through my chest and just pull my hearts out. The pain is not on the outside, its all in the inside. As we broke up, it felt like everything just flew away from me and my life wouldn’t be emptier.

Writing this is not to blame her for everything or even to point fingers at her. A relationship doesn’t work not because of a person, it doesn’t works because of both partner. I was to blame to bring her to the world that she never see and to bring her to a world that she doesn’t even knew exist. I was to blame for a lot of things I did to her. To regret now is just an ashamed thing to do. Apologizing and saying sorry is just another way of saying “I’m sorry, I wont do this again…for a while”.

As most people say that when a girl cries in front of a guy, it meant a lot of things and every tears that drop from her cheek means a thousand words. It’s also the same thing for a guy… When a guy cries because of a girl, it meant something that is so deep. That girl might just change his life forever and he might be really deeply in love with ‘her’.

In my perspective, the definition of love is to cherish each other and to understand each other. You don’t love a person because they have nice body or a pretty face, you love a person because of who they are inside and who ever they are, you are there to accept her the way she is. Don’t try to change her to be someone that you always dream of.

For me…it was her… I accepted her the way she is and never once in my life I tried to change her. She was just that perfect girl for me and no one in this world that I adore more than her. I once put my family aside for her and without her in my life was just a nightmare that I wouldn’t even want to dream of.

Happiness in my life was growing and growing…nothing in my life matters anymore except for her. In a glimpse of an eye, everything crushed, torn, broken, destroyed… I understand a lot of things and I surely understand my situation with her at this moment, but why does someone need to reach in other people pocket. In my whole life, I never disturb anyone’s life and never even care about other people’s doing. Why cant people do the same for me??

They don’t think…they don’t think of the consequences that I will have to take and so will she. The people who spread this rumors and gossiping doesn’t even have an effect on them. Because of this people, other people life…dream…relationships…crushed. Life is so cruel and to live in a world like this is a pain. Happiness just doesn’t last and hatred increases.

To live happily ever after and having a perfect life is just impossible with people who are busy body. Talk…talk…talk…what do you get from this?? Fame?? Is it all because of fame?? Or is it just to grab attention and create news for others to dig in. I was never happy in my life and for once, I actually get to smile and laugh with a partner. For once I actually get to love and cherish the girl that I love. Is it a crime to have a happy relationship like others have? Why me?? Why my life always crashes as everything was just about to be just fine.

My study is going down a hill, my family is breaking up and my friends is fading away and at the end, all I have was her…Now…Now she’s gone with the rest… I struggle for nearly half of my life time and I never felt that happy feeling since I was like 3 years old when my grandfather was still alive. He was the only one that loved me and took care of me…His gone now…But I would just like to see him one more time and hug him…thanks him for all the great memories I had with him as I didn’t get the chance to tell him. He died when I was 3 while he was holding me. It was a few days after my birthday.

Life evolves in the word love and that word just doesn’t have an exact definition for it. I used to adore hearing the word love and it is so great when your love one tell you that but as time went by, I started to explore the dark side of love, the evil of the heart, and the devil in every relationship. Love brings such great positive feelings to every soul in this world but when it goes the other way, it felt more painful than it ever will. Even if you kill yourself, it wouldn't add up to the pain that you will go through. To do this…to do that…everything remind you of her and every hours, minutes, and every seconds make you want to see her.

Continue along the journey of your life and forget about the past…Easy to say then do and to forget something is not easy. The past is something that you will remember, you will cherish, you will hate…

In our lives, we knew about love since we were just at the age of 1. We learn to love our parents. As time past, we started to explore more and more about love in a different way. Love for your parents is different compared to love with your partners. Love works in an unusual way, as we grow older we started to learn about loving someone who is older than us or even younger than us but when we were just at school, we will just find someone our own age.

Sometimes it makes me think how some people can just feel the love with a particular person one day and forget about them the next day. It just amazes me that people today play with love. By saying this, what I meant was that people this day can just go around and find love in a day time. For me to truly love a person, it takes me a few months to get to know about them and to actually connect with them. At my age now, I struggle a lot in life yet I knew there must be people that have worst fate than I do and this what keeps me strong until today.

Responsibility is your priority in a relationship. To keep it from crashing down, you need to build walls and fences in the relationship so everything go on smoothly. Lead it to a place where you can see a bright future ahead. Dig a tunnel for you to get through though time and work together to achieve your goal to have a perfect relationship. Don’t hide your feelings away and don’t be a plastic in front of your love ones because they are the one that you can show your true self. To find someone perfect isn’t easy but to find someone who is almost perfect is always around the corner waiting for the time to come for you to bring him/her out. Trust and loyalty is the weapon of a relationship. It’s what brings the couple to be more understanding in every way possible. To trust and to be honest with your partner is just to give at least 80% of yourself to them. The other 20% is for you to keep.

I believe that one day I will find another ’her’. Another girl that will make me smile back and a girl that won’t make me cry all day long. I really hope there is such a person in this world like that. To have dreams is not wrong but not trying to fulfill it is just a waste of having a dream. My life in the word love has more pain than I thought it would but I learnt a lot from it and I just hope I can be better at this later in my life. I don’t know how long im going to live in this world and right now I will try to enjoy myself.

Since I was part one in this university, I always have people interfering with my relationship with her and for us to be happily ever after became an impossible goal to achieve. My life is full of surprises in here and none of them are something that I enjoy. At first, I tried my best to fit in with this people but I can’t because they are just too different to me. It’s like I am living in a world where I don’t belong. For me to make friends here is so hard because they think of me as just a little kid and I can’t fit in with anyone.

That was my life when I was in the top of the word happiness. Now everything just crashes down slowly and painfully.

WISH, DREAM, LAZINESS....

This week probably the most worst week i had in terms of academic wise..i haven't touch any of my assignments yet...hmmm and class?? hah!! missed every single one...hmm what have happened to me??? i say to myself that i need to improve but i can't even woke up at the right time!! even if i sleep early!! the weird thing is i always wake up at the time when class exactly finished!!! huu...Life wouldn't get better like this..it just not possible...i need to work 10 times harder than i am doing now..i was once a student that excel in things i do and never got below B- for any subject. But now?? its the exact opposite...it seems harder to get a B+ even...if i could have one wish..i would wish me to be myself again and smile when there is problem and laugh when work seems to be a lot in hand..hmm..

3T- Thing To Think

No man/woman is worth your tears and the only one who is, will never make you cry. If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!"

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." Plato

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

"Enthusiasm is contagious. You could start an epidemic!"

THAT SHOULD BE ME

"That should be me holding your hands,
That should be me making you laugh,
That should be me this is so sad,
That should be me...

That should be me feeling your kiss,
That should be me buying you gifts,
This is so wrong; I can't go on till you believe that...
That should be me...."
(Justin Bieber- That Should Be Me)

I only found out about about this song around a week ago and this few lyrics up here...it means so much to me if that one person could actually understand...especially those last who sentence...hurmm just saying..i've moved on okay...lol...not 100% though...haha PEACE xP

NOW NOW NOW!!!

Life is starting to get better in my university life...starting to enjoy the littlest thing that comes around and don't care anymore bout what people say...sadly enough...it takes me this much time to realize things...hurmmm...but as usual...after one thing is solve...anotha problem arise... huhu

My family isn't in a very good condition right now and me?? i can't go back for the next month due to work...huhu i wish to go back home and just hug everyone and tell them how things can be okay...huhu...Life is a reality that is amazingly can kill you half way...meaning that you're ain't dead...but you're dead inside...

Love...
Its just the most interesting thing ever!!! i mean...i thought love is like the only thing that kept me happy but hey...don't need them...hehehe happy as a bird!!! flying free again!!! but memories still there though...and hopes...obvious la ada...hehe kalo takde nnt susah idop..hehe hurm apologize for not writing properly this time...feel like letting things out a bit..huhu hope that evryone can manage to av fun with their life and cope as much as i did...wish the best to all my friends, family, exs, and enemy...hehehe hey...they still human..they deserve the best in their life :)

Meaningful Lyrics

"Engkau yang dulu pernah ku cinta,
Namun terlanjur kau bersamanya,
Dan ku terluka oleh cintanya..."
Agnes Monica-Jera

"Masih disini menantimu,
Berharap kau akan memikirkanku,
Masih di sini menunggumu,
Menanti jawapan atas cintamu..."
Ungu-Disini Untukmu

"Ku menahan rasa luka,
Bila kau membenci aku,
Bilakah Tuhan mendengar,
Bisikan hatiku yang hancur..."
Melly Goeslow-Kekasih Terakhir

"Mungkin cintaku terlalu kuat dan menutupi,
Jiwa yang dendam akan kerasmu,
Sehingga kita bersama... mungkin"
Potret-Mungkin

"Jadi terimalah oh cintaku,
Jangan kau patahkan hatiku,
Aku mencintai kamu,
Dengarkan janjiku..."
Armada-Wanita Paling Berharga

"Aku telah lelah mengikuti semua langkah kakimu,
dan berharap bisa memilikimu,
Berbagai cara telah aku lakukan untuk hidupmu,
Hingga aku mengorbankan hidupku..."
Armada- Buka Hatimu

"A memory comes to my mind,
Everyday its the same thing,
Can i defeat it?
Can i leave it behind?
Every time i make a sound,
My head start spinning round..."
Jared Lee-Why do I Have To Choose

"Aku rasa telah ku temukan cinta sejati,
Saat aku hilang arah dan tak terkendali,
Di saatku coba bertanya di suatu sisi,
Ku yakin kau cinta mati"
The Potter's-Arti Cinta Sejati

"Dulu memang aku pernah salah,
Dan semuanya telah ku lakukan,
Namun bukan berarti hidup dan cintaku,
Tak tertuju padamu..."
Kerispatih-Kesalahan Yang Sama

"Oh, for you I would have done whatever,
and I just can't believe we ain't together,
and I wanna play it cool..the thought of losing you..."
Justin Beiber Feat Ludacris-Baby

"Mengapa cinta ini terlarang,
Saat ku yakini kaulah milikku,
Mengapa cinta kita tak bisa bersatu
Saat ku yakin tak ada cinta selain dirimu..."
The Virgin- Cinta Terlarang

"Andai engkau tahu,
Betapa penat jiwaku,
Begitu sarat bebanku,
Penuhi rasaku..."
Element- Seumur Hidupmu

Waking up...

Its time for me to realize that life need to move on and she's not for me and I'm not supposed to be with her forever...everyone keep saying "Banyak lagi bunga kat taman ko boley petik"...Its true...don't need to just hang around and wait like a goof. Our sweet time have passed and life don't stop for those sweet moments. Now i started to realize that i just need her to be around with me. Even just a friend would be much better...we can tell stories with no hard feelings at all...but its going to take time for me to adjust...but we'll be fine...and i do still love her and my only way to show her that is not by making her suffer with my messages, my speeches about the past...all i have to do to show her that i love her and care about her is to let her go...let her be free and just take care of her from the back...it's good enough for me and for her...i hope from this day forward...LIFE WILL BE MUCH BETTER...owh yea....the pic above was when i was with her..umm..semester 01!!...memories sudaa...no gossiping aite..old pix...PEACE ALL :p

IBU...

Bila seronok, aku cari....pasanganku
Bila sedih, aku cari....Mak
Bila berjaya, aku ceritakan pada....pasanganku
Bila gagal, aku ceritakan pada....Mak
Bila bahagia, aku peluk erat....pasanganku
Bila berduka, aku peluk erat....Mak
Bila nak bercuti, aku bawa....pasanganku
Bila sibuk, aku hantar anak ke rumah....Mak
Bila sambut valentine.. Aku bagi hadiah pada pasanganku
Bila sambut hari ibu...aku cuma dapat ucapkan "Selamat Hari Ibu"
Selalu.. aku ingat pasanganku
Selalu.. Mak ingat kat aku
Bila-bila... aku akan talipon pasanganku
Entah bila... aku nak talipon Mak
Selalu...aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku
Entah bila... aku nak belikan hadiah untuk Mak
Renungkan:
"Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja...
bolehkah kau kirim wang untuk Mak?
Mak bukan nak banyak... lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah".

Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya........

Tapi kalau Mak sudah tiada..........
MAKKKKK...RINDU MAK.... RINDU SANGAT....



Berapa ramai yang sanggup menyuapkan ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup mencuci muntah ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup. mengantikan lampin ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup..... membersihkan najis ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup....... membuang ulat dan membersihkan luka kudis ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup berhenti kerja untuk menjaga ibunya....

Dan akhir sekali berapa ramai yang sembahyang JENAZAH ibunya....

RENUNGKANLAH KEMBALI MASA-MASA SEORANG IBU MELUANGKAN MASANYA UNTUK MEMBAHAGIAKAN SEORANG ANAK...

IF ONLY "SHE" KNEW...

All my life i have never chased after one person for the reason of wanting to take care of them...and now i do that to this one girl who now just would not understand what i am trying to tell her...Its not that i want her to be with me again for the sake of the fun we had for the two years back..its not the real reason..i try to tell her the real reason but she just would not let me finish my sentence...my say of things...How am i supposed to tell her that it is my responsibility for whatever she does and whatever can happen to her...she just don't understand at all...

Why do girls are such stubborn human beings that just can't listen to what we men trying to tell them...well...at least some men have the curtosy to take care of them...only some men!!! don't you understand that!!! other guys would think..the hell with it...she's over...she's not with me now...why do i give a F**k bout her...but i am not like that ***...I'm not...I care about you coz of what i did and it is totally my responsibility...come on....to think about it...you rejected me for like hundreds of times...but i kept going to you...does that means that i don't understand what you're trying to say to me?? NO!!! i do understand that you want me to just die and leave you alone...right?? hmmm if only you understand...what i feel after what have happen...if only you knew how difficult it is to stay alive every single day thinking that i am responsible for one person's life...if only you knew how it feels like hiding all your faults and pretending like you never did those things...if only you knew how ashamed i was when you embarresed me infront of so many people...if only i could tell others my side of the story...if only i could...

You can go ahead and tell stories about me to all those friends of yours...but me?? i can't even open my mouth of telling what happen in our "private life"...i can't tell your flaws to others and i just can't bear listening to others chit chatting about you...everything now happen to be a if...it seems like nothing could be done anymore...its seems that my effort of protecting you have ran off and i am getting tired of trying to sent you one message...just one...hmmm...now i could only hope and pray...and everything is under your hand...

I might live my life with misery of thinking of that everyday and just think about what if this or what if that happened...nothing you can do anymore...you made your point...losing you...hmm...never thought that it could happen...but hey...life do move on...and hope that when someday you turn back and look back at you memories...you can start to think why i do what i did all this time...wasting my time for you when i can just have a better life without you...every single thing i did when i am with you..it all planned out...just trying to sent you one little memo...but for two years...the memo never did arrive...and from now till i die...i can just think of " IF ONLY SHE KNEW..."

THE MONTH OF MARCH

New month have began today and i left with only about a month plus until i graduate diploma...
hurmmm wonder whats life going to be like after diploma..can't wait to finished up but sad to leave friends behind...no matter what..time can't be stop and memories can still make me remembers who they are...

the next months or so going to be the biggest struggle so far in my uitm life...work are getting loads up...fuh2....pnat seyh...anywho...life seems to get a bit better now...except for one thing..and only i can know that...heee..oklah...got ta go...catch up later..and owh yea...WELCOME TO THE MONTH OF MARCH!!! MAY HELL DROPS ON YOU!!! LOL jokes2!!! peace yea...xD

Remembered??

Remember the time...
When i looked at you...
Saying those three words without any clue...
That you had those feelings too...

Remember when...
We laugh our heads off day and night...
Talking about things that we like...
Thinking that everything going to be alright...

Remember who...
Was the person that ran bringing umbrella to you when it rains...
Remember who...
Was so thankful that i actually came...

Remember what...
Makes us so happy being together for 2 years...
Makes us love each other heads over heels...
Makes us who we are now...

Remember where...
Was the first time we met...
Remember where...
Did we have our first kiss...

Remember???

sudah itu sudaaa

Seriously, i hate to be in love with anybody right now but feelings are just there you know..hurmmm tak tawu nak cakap ape...its just that i feel like i am wasting time with all this people but love is another way to find happiness and i want that...aduhh....blank dowh...don't know what to do anymore...can't seem to find that little tiny happiness im lookin for...

What Else Can I Do??

What else can I DO?

What else can I SAY?

I'm SPEECHLESS in my own way,

Turning from the LIGHT,

Becoming DARKER than night,

Trying to ESCAPE the REALITY of life…

=

HURT in one way,

PAIN in the other,

Trying to THINK what’s best for me,

Trying to FIGURE OUT what’s best for her,

People say LOVE need to LET GO,

People say LOVE is meant to STAY…

=

To whom do I LISTEN to?

To whom do I SHARE?

Alone in the corner of my EMPTY heart,

Think of what is best and what is RIGHT…

=

TALKING to people like they knew,

Talking to people like they even CARE,

NOTHING seems to MATTER when you’re not there,

No one can feel what is INSIDE,

No one knows what it FEELS like…

=

Thinking about how things END,

Thinking about how things can START again,

You SMILE and LAUGH,

You gave me nothing but a SIGH,

You think of me nothing but the PAST…

=

I SAY Things I shouldn't have,

And TIME has past,

Things SHOULDN'T be how it is now,

Things should be how it was BEFORE,

LAUGHTER and JOY was there in my life,

HAPPINESS and a SMILE are all around…

=

Laughing at my JOKES,

LAUGHING at me and you,

Laughing at a LIE that could not be HIDE,

Meaning so DEEP,

Deeper than what YOU felted,

I was falling for your TRICKS,

I was falling under you’re SPELL…

=

Then you let ME go,

Like an ANIMAL waiting to die,

Like a TRASH in the bin,

Like I am NOBODY to you…

=

CRY a million times,

KILL myself from the inside,

PEEL my skin off,

SEE if you cared,

See if you showed up to COMFORT me…

=

Our LOVE ended in a minute,

The minute that I wouldn't have GUESSED,

The minute that my heart STARING at a knife,

The minute I NEED nothing more but your comfort…

=

If I say I LOVE YOU,

You say that it’s isn't TRUE,

If I say I MISS YOU,

You say that I LIE to you…

=

What else can I SAY,

What else can I DO,

Following the RULE,

That was SET by you…

=

Now alone I am WAITING for an answer,

There you are laughing with joy with your TOY,

Look at me as if I DON'T care,

Look at me as if I’m just a SHADOW you once look for,

Look at me and LAUGH at my PAIN…

=

You wouldn't UNDERSTAND me,

Like you USED to do,

You ERASE me from your MEMORY,

Leaving me to FLY AWAY from your LIFE…