Enough...

I've tried my best and i have gone all out for everything that i going on in my life. I'm not saying that i have given up but I'm too tired to handle all at once. I myself is not mentally healthy. I'm sorry mama, i couldn't finish my job...my diploma...its not that i don't want to is just that things happen in my life between those times that makes it all so freaking hard. I'm not as healthy as i was. I couldn't cope it all. The stress, people...its killing me softly.

I felt like i want to cry to think my life is actually this hard. I knew that when i told others about my life, they would say they too have gone through tough times. Its not the same. If only i could put most of you in my situation. Yes...others have issues too and they can cope but those issues don't come all at once and if they do...what would they feel? i don't think one can cope after everything drop down on their heads.

Tears all dried up and i feel tired nearly every minute of my life. Feel like sleeping for good. Life isn't great for me to remember but those few people and those few moments in life is what i hold on to and what i cherish so damn much. I need to live because of my family, i need to live to reverse my mistakes, i need to live to take care of someone and i need to live to actually appreciate life.

_S.I.C.K_B.O.Y_

I've been sick for the last months. I kept on coughing and its a dry cough. I have back pain that hurts like hell!! I lost 7kg in the last 2 weeks. I have a non stop runny nose. I have headache sometimes. I get tired so easily. I have problems eating and sleeping at night. My body temperature is always ups and downs, sometimes i feel cold and other times i feel so freaking hot. I sometimes have chest pain and its hard to breath as well. I sweat for no reason sometimes and i have no fever what so ever when i go to the doctors.

What kind of sickness do i have?? is it serious?? is it not?? is it a lack of vitamins? what is it!!! It freaking hurt to live my life feeling sick every single day and waking up thinking that am i still alive...I've got no clue of what medical problems i have but if someone reading this can help...pls do...cause i feel like dying every minute i'm breathing. Its hard for me to do work or even have fun or to do chores and help around. I feel so damn weak and i get tired easily that i can fall back asleep after waking up for an hour or so..huhu

Still need my baby...

Why am i still waiting,

Waiting for someone to come for me,

To hold me like she did,

To care for me like she did,

To laugh with me like she did...

Why don't i understand,

She doesn't want me around anymore,

She doesn't need me anymore,

She don't like me no more...

To wait for someone who not going to turn back,

To hold on to someone who don't need to be hold on,

To shred a tears for someone who is totally doesn't care,

To wait for the memories to comeback to life...

An end is near,

The end is around the corner...

I'm not the same as i was...

I might not be the same again...

To think that she loves me,

To think that she hates me forever,

To think of her still,

To think of what to do with my life...

Expect the unexpected...

Sometimes in life we plan our life ahead and we aim to be where we want to in the future. We only could plan things cause things can happen between those times. Expecting the unexpected...

Examples would be when we plan to work at this place and that place and how life continue to be great afterwards but we need to consider the "what if.." possibility. Not saying that you're not capable to get the job or anything, just saying what happen next if you didn't get the job.

Another great examples would be in love. Everyone keep on saying to their partners i will love you forever or even at weddings people say "till death do us aparts". We meant it at the time but as time flies, we never knew things might go wrong somewhere not even we had imagine it would.

Life could not be perfect and plans will always be plans. Thats why there is always plan B if plan A doesn't work. In life, we should just follow the flow and see what comes up. It's not that we can't plan..we can...but consider the unexpected so that when it occurs, we wouldn't feel like we're getting hit by a huge rock at our head.

Moral of the story: Live:Love:Learn...

Family in need...

One problem after another...hurmm i know life isn't suppose to be perfect but does it need to be this hard?? problem keep on coming without stop?? I've seen others family and i know that most normal family wouldn't have so much problem like my family does...i wonder why...everyone is in need of someone to talk to...and yeah..its me...

Talk and talk and talk...its like gossiping but instead of talking shits about others, we complain things. Every mistake made by us in the past is all can be a learning experience and for my life...yeah...it would drive me insane before i got to learn every mistake in my life. I know others have problems in life too but every people have their own way of getting rid of the problems and so do i. Life would not be in more pain with family breaking apart, friends backstabbing, love life crushed, and religion wise?? my fault for not praying and everything. Everything is a problem for me. I guess i just need to be strong and change for the sake of my family...

Graduating...

Last day of the week...class is over!!! haha!!! hurmm lots to thing about afterwards..what to do next, whats goin to happen after this...how my result going to be...hurmm think think think...Nothing else there to wait here in Malacca. My time here its over and it should end with me being peacefully happy again and start a new chapter in life...No matter what i do, memories will always be there...so...just keep them as memories..don't need to keep hopes up any longer, don't need to wait anymore, don't need to think when will that next time be...its all end and over for me. half of my body say that i'm glad that everything over but another half just wish i could stay longer...only god knows where everything leads to..so we just wait and see till the end part of my life story...aite???

One Heart, One Soul, One Gurl...

Its gonna end
I knew it would
Its over
Maybe it should

One Heart
Its mine for sure
One Soul
Running away from here
One Gurl
No one but her...

Miss her i would
Love her..only if i could
Thinking bout her
Thats all i can do

If only she knew
If only my heart can talk
If only she knew
My soul cry in tears
If only she knew...

Wondering...

Days in counting till every tears and sorrow ends. Days in counting till i left everything behind me. Days in counting till i move on from her for good. Lots of things i think about when graduating. I am glad that its all over, i am happy that no more hearing about things that people talk behind your back, i felt down when i think about leaving that one person for good.

After 2 years of following behind her and having her around, finally everything just go away for good. The next time i see her?? don't know when. I'm regret lots of things i did that makes my life like this. I knew that things happen to me is all because of what i did cause nothing happen without a reason.

She said to me... "You'll always have a place in here"...she actually said that after what she said to me for the past few months. Every time she says anything to get me away from her...i just bare the pain. Never i kept revenge on her or what she did. I thought giving her time to think would make us okay but instead...she took it as it was totally over. she moved on so damn fast. did she ever think about all the things i tried to make her happy and fall in love with me every single day. I knew myself that if i didn't approach her, she wouldn't even notice i exist. I knew...but did she ever realizes that i try almost every single day to make her fall in love with me again and again...she never noticed.

Days to go and she still try to avoid...after what she said..she still avoid me...then the end of my chapter in life of her might just end here...As soon as she goes back...i will go...and this time...i go for good...I tried and took care of her...but i guess it was not enough for her. Well...after 6 months without her...i am still in love with her..and i hope it doesn't take another 6 more months or even more...cause i will hell suffer...

wondering why her...wondering why i can't forget her...wondering why its all over...wonder wonder wonder...