Writing this is not to blame her for everything or even to point fingers at her. A relationship doesn’t work not because of a person, it doesn’t works because of both partner. I was to blame to bring her to the world that she never see and to bring her to a world that she doesn’t even knew exist. I was to blame for a lot of things I did to her. To regret now is just an ashamed thing to do. Apologizing and saying sorry is just another way of saying “I’m sorry, I wont do this again…for a while”.
As most people say that when a girl cries in front of a guy, it meant a lot of things and every tears that drop from her cheek means a thousand words. It’s also the same thing for a guy… When a guy cries because of a girl, it meant something that is so deep. That girl might just change his life forever and he might be really deeply in love with ‘her’.
In my perspective, the definition of love is to cherish each other and to understand each other. You don’t love a person because they have nice body or a pretty face, you love a person because of who they are inside and who ever they are, you are there to accept her the way she is. Don’t try to change her to be someone that you always dream of.
For me…it was her… I accepted her the way she is and never once in my life I tried to change her. She was just that perfect girl for me and no one in this world that I adore more than her. I once put my family aside for her and without her in my life was just a nightmare that I wouldn’t even want to dream of.
Happiness in my life was growing and growing…nothing in my life matters anymore except for her. In a glimpse of an eye, everything crushed, torn, broken, destroyed… I understand a lot of things and I surely understand my situation with her at this moment, but why does someone need to reach in other people pocket. In my whole life, I never disturb anyone’s life and never even care about other people’s doing. Why cant people do the same for me??
They don’t think…they don’t think of the consequences that I will have to take and so will she. The people who spread this rumors and gossiping doesn’t even have an effect on them. Because of this people, other people life…dream…relationships…crushed. Life is so cruel and to live in a world like this is a pain. Happiness just doesn’t last and hatred increases.
To live happily ever after and having a perfect life is just impossible with people who are busy body. Talk…talk…talk…what do you get from this?? Fame?? Is it all because of fame?? Or is it just to grab attention and create news for others to dig in. I was never happy in my life and for once, I actually get to smile and laugh with a partner. For once I actually get to love and cherish the girl that I love. Is it a crime to have a happy relationship like others have? Why me?? Why my life always crashes as everything was just about to be just fine.
My study is going down a hill, my family is breaking up and my friends is fading away and at the end, all I have was her…Now…Now she’s gone with the rest… I struggle for nearly half of my life time and I never felt that happy feeling since I was like 3 years old when my grandfather was still alive. He was the only one that loved me and took care of me…His gone now…But I would just like to see him one more time and hug him…thanks him for all the great memories I had with him as I didn’t get the chance to tell him. He died when I was 3 while he was holding me. It was a few days after my birthday.
Life evolves in the word love and that word just doesn’t have an exact definition for it. I used to adore hearing the word love and it is so great when your love one tell you that but as time went by, I started to explore the dark side of love, the evil of the heart, and the devil in every relationship. Love brings such great positive feelings to every soul in this world but when it goes the other way, it felt more painful than it ever will. Even if you kill yourself, it wouldn't add up to the pain that you will go through. To do this…to do that…everything remind you of her and every hours, minutes, and every seconds make you want to see her.
Continue along the journey of your life and forget about the past…Easy to say then do and to forget something is not easy. The past is something that you will remember, you will cherish, you will hate…
In our lives, we knew about love since we were just at the age of 1. We learn to love our parents. As time past, we started to explore more and more about love in a different way. Love for your parents is different compared to love with your partners. Love works in an unusual way, as we grow older we started to learn about loving someone who is older than us or even younger than us but when we were just at school, we will just find someone our own age.
Sometimes it makes me think how some people can just feel the love with a particular person one day and forget about them the next day. It just amazes me that people today play with love. By saying this, what I meant was that people this day can just go around and find love in a day time. For me to truly love a person, it takes me a few months to get to know about them and to actually connect with them. At my age now, I struggle a lot in life yet I knew there must be people that have worst fate than I do and this what keeps me strong until today.
Responsibility is your priority in a relationship. To keep it from crashing down, you need to build walls and fences in the relationship so everything go on smoothly. Lead it to a place where you can see a bright future ahead. Dig a tunnel for you to get through though time and work together to achieve your goal to have a perfect relationship. Don’t hide your feelings away and don’t be a plastic in front of your love ones because they are the one that you can show your true self. To find someone perfect isn’t easy but to find someone who is almost perfect is always around the corner waiting for the time to come for you to bring him/her out. Trust and loyalty is the weapon of a relationship. It’s what brings the couple to be more understanding in every way possible. To trust and to be honest with your partner is just to give at least 80% of yourself to them. The other 20% is for you to keep.
I believe that one day I will find another ’her’. Another girl that will make me smile back and a girl that won’t make me cry all day long. I really hope there is such a person in this world like that. To have dreams is not wrong but not trying to fulfill it is just a waste of having a dream. My life in the word love has more pain than I thought it would but I learnt a lot from it and I just hope I can be better at this later in my life. I don’t know how long im going to live in this world and right now I will try to enjoy myself.
Since I was part one in this university, I always have people interfering with my relationship with her and for us to be happily ever after became an impossible goal to achieve. My life is full of surprises in here and none of them are something that I enjoy. At first, I tried my best to fit in with this people but I can’t because they are just too different to me. It’s like I am living in a world where I don’t belong. For me to make friends here is so hard because they think of me as just a little kid and I can’t fit in with anyone.
That was my life when I was in the top of the word happiness. Now everything just crashes down slowly and painfully.
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